On Being a German-American

Recently, I've been reading two books by Ursula Hegi which have had a profound effect on me. The first one is a best-selling novel entitled STONES FROM THE RIVER, and the second one is a non-fiction collection of interviews entitled TEARING THE SILENCE. Stones from the River tells the story of Trudi Montag, a dwarf, born in 1915 in a fictional town on the Rhein called Burgdorf whose father is wounded during the First World War, and whose mother is eventually confined to a mental asylum. Father and daughter run a pay-library where townspeople pay for the books they borrow. The novel follows the lives of the townspeople through three generations, including the Weimarer years, the rise of Hitler, the Second World War, and the postwar years. Hegi describes how the town is gradually sucked into the morass that is Nazi Gdermany, how its Jewish inhabitants are persecuted and eventually driven from the community, and how people's lives are turned upside-down by the evil around them. Trudi is not only a surviver but also a conduit of the stories she collects from the town's inhabitants.

The second book -- Tearing the Silence -- had an even greater impact on me because, like the people Hegi interviewed, I too am a German-American immigrant. Many were born around the same time as me. They describe how they grew up feeling ashamed of being German, and how their parents didn't talk about the terrible events they witnessed, claiming that they didn't know what was going on around them, or that they too were victims of the war. Many describe that they weren't able to feel any pride in their country of birth, even going so far as to deny their German heritage altogether. Some expressed their wish to be born anywhere but Germany. Others were teased and taunted because of their German roots. They often flinched at the mention of German "virtues" like efficiency, obedience, and order.

I too have felt a lot of the feelings expressed by the people Hegi interviewed. But until I read her books, I haven't seen much literature on the subject. Growing up, I never felt any pride about being born in Germany. I remember feeling very uncomfortable when I had to say the Pledge of Allegiance in parochial school. Or when everybody stood up to sing The National Anthem at a baseball game. I too was teased and bullied in junior high because of my German heritage. I recall a German-American family friend of mine whose three sons were beaten up by some kids in junior high because they were German until their dad intevened on their behalf by talking to principal about it. I've spent many years in therapy dealing with my own shame and guilt about being German. Therefore, I'm very glad that there is someone like Hegi who has broken the silence and brought this topic out into the open.