Wins and Losses * Losses and Wins

Now that a new year is approaching, I've thought about all the wins and losses, losses and

wins in my life. Yes, I do believe in healthy competition as long as it doesn't become the be-all and end-all in life. I've been fortunate to win a number of awards and prizes in my life. I've also experienced my share of disappointing losses. Therefore, I'm very familiar with the

thrill of victory as well as the agony of defeat.

One of my earliest successes was being admitted to St. Xavier High School in the fall of 1960 on the basis of my score on their entrance exam. In my sophomore year, I was promoted to their top honor's class --2CC -- as a result of my excellent grades during my freshman year. I remained there until graduation. This was a mixed blessing since I really missed the first class I was assigned to which ranked lower on the academic scale, but where I felt more connected. In 1968 upon my graduation from Xavier University with a Bachelor's degree in English, I was awarded three significant prizes. The first was The Heidelberg Award for getting the highest grade-point average in German literature classes. The second was the Poetry Prize for a sonnet entitled Metamorphosis that was published in the Athenaeum, the campus literary quarterly. The third and most thrilling was the Fredin Scholarship to spend the summer living and studying in Paris.

My academic honors continued into graduate school when I won a four-year fellowship to study English literature at The Ohio State University in 1968. And in 1974, I graduated cum laude with a Master's degree in library science from Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, Ohio. Unfortunately, these academic honors did not translate to success in employment. After completing my MLS degree, I failed to secure a library position as reference librarian in a large city public library even though I sent out dozens of applications. Nor did I manage to get into the Peace Corps after applying in 1970. Although I made it to the final staging interview, for which I was even provided with free air fare to Denver, I was eventually turned down. Fortunately, I had a plan B which was to move to my hometown of Marburg, Germany where I ended up staying for two-and-a-half years. That turned out to be a providential decision that I don't regret.

As a musician, journal writer, and community education teacher, I received several arts grants. One was a COMPAS grant to facilitate journal writing classes at several mental health drop-in centers in the Twin Cities. The other was a COMPAS grant to form a folk music group which performed at various Minneapolis community support programs. I also received a Minnesota State Arts Board grant to publish one of my three memoirs in which I wrote about the two-and-a-half years I spent in a residential treatment center for mentally ill called Wellspring.

I've also had other successes in the arts world. In 1993, I won the annual Minneapolis Bob Dylan soundalike contest for playing an original song I had composed about that iconic folk-musician. My performance was later broadcast on a local public TV station. I also won first place at a songwriting competition at the Walnut Valley Bluegrass Festival in Winfield, Kansas in 2006 for a children's song I had written. And three times, I advanced to the semi-finals of the Minnesota State Fair Amateur Talent Contest for playing selections on my autoharp.

However, to put things into perspective, I've certainly had my share of losses. In fact, I've lost many more times than I have won. I think of myself as a pretty good autoharp player, and have competed in more than half-a-dozen autoharp contests in two different music festivals without ever getting to be a finalist. Even though I've gotten several arts grants, there are many more times when I've applied but failed to qualify. I've also applied for several Loft writing awards including their prestigious Mentor Series without success. I've heard about writers who have papered their walls with rejection letters before they ever got something published. But my lack of success in these endeavors hasn't stopped me from competing. Most of the time, I've learned to take it all stride although some losses have really stung.

Looking back, I realize that life isn't just about winning and losing. There are more important things to strive for such as taking care of one's physical and mental health, cultivating friendships, and having a firm spiritual foundation.