Shy am I!

Last week, a close friend complimented me on being willing to take on tough challenges and embark on new, sometimes scary adventures. What he didn't know about me was how shy I used to be growing up. Because of the many moves I had to make during my childhood and adolescence, and my naturally introverted personality, I had a hard time making new friends, or fitting in. As I mentioned in a previous blogpost, I attempted to overcome my shyness while in high school by joining the drama club and acting in a play.

One thing that helped me tremendously to mitigate my shyness was my love of music. Through music I was able to make a lot of friends. My love of music was also instrumentaI in my getting involved in a romantic relationship since my then girlfriend encouraged me to take up the guitar and learn to play folk music. As a matter of fact, it was at her suggestion that I heard two concerts that would change my life forever: Peter, Paul & Mary and Doc Watson.

When I was in my early thirties, I embarked on a bold plan to begin dating women by placing personal ads in two local Twin Cities magazines, one of which was The Reader. To my surprise and delight, I got more than twenty replies, including one from a gay man who wanted to get involved with me. Another memorable reply was from a beautiful woman who sent me an 8 by 11 inch black-and-white glossy picture of herself. I ended up dating one of the women who replied to my ad, and we had a brief relationship. The thing we had in common, I remember, was the fact that we both grew up Catholic.

The other thing I embarked upon around this time was my effort to start a support group for shy persons. I put together a brochure and met a woman who had done some work in this area. She ended up inviting me to participate in a local Twin Cities TV talk show where she talked about the work she had done. She introduced me and mentioned my interest in this matter. At the time, I also bought a book by a psychologist named Philip Zimbardo entitled Shyness, What it is, and What to do about it. It was a kind of workbook that contained various exercises to help people overcome their shyness. I remember the book's evocative cover which showed the faded portrait of a timid woman blending into a wallflower background.

In the course of the past forty years, I've done a lot to alleviate my natural shyness. I've been able to do things I never could have dreamed of in my teens such as teach community ed classes, perform music at all kinds of coffeehouses and other venues, and host an Open Stage at Walker Church for twenty years. One year, I even won the Bob Dylan Soundalike Contest, and I made it to the semi-finals of the Minnesota State Fair Amateur Talent Contest twice. However, whenever I'm plagued with a recurring episode of depression, I often revert to that shy sixteen-year-old who was afraid to venture out of his shell. But most of the time, I'm able to enjoy a rainbow of positive experiences.