Light at the end of a tunnel of darkness

2024 was a very difficult year for me. During that time, I attended two Minneapolis hospital programs four different times for mental health reasons. Three of these were outpatient day-treatment programs for seniors called a 55-Plus IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program for seniors). And a fourth was a partial hospital program that provided psychiatric treatment for adults suffering from depression, anxiety, OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), and other mental health diagnoses.

I entered these programs because I was suffering from a severe case of recurring depression, generalized anxiety, SAD (seasonal affective disorder), and some OCD symptoms. I think my depression was brought on by some major life transitions and upheavals. One of these was the fact that, as a senior, I had lost a sense of purpose and direction after publishing three memoirs. During that time, there were several unsettling transitions in my church community which was my chief source of support. Another was the nature of my recurring depressive episodes which have affected me for most of my adult life. This was reinforced by the coming of winter with its increasing darkness and bone-chilling cold temperatures.

However, I was very grateful to get the help I needed in order to emerge from this major life transition. I found the three IOP 55-Plus programs I attended to be the most helpful. They were run by two main therapists, both of whom were not only excellent at what they did, but also very supportive. One of them facilitated an hour-long, morning therapy session called a processing group, while the other provided an extensive array of educational materials on the subject of mental health. There I learned many important DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) and CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) skills such as setting boundaries, combatting cognitive distortions (which our main therapist often called stinking thinking), mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotion regulation, and radical acceptance.

We group members were often shown TED (technology, education, design) talks on the subjects of self-compassion, shame, vulnerability, self-esteem, and assertiveness. One of my favorite presenters was Brene Brown who practiced what she preached with a sense of humor, vulnerability, and profound insights. I not only profited from the therapy, but also bonded with quite a few of the other group members, all of whom were senior citizens, and many of whom struggled with the same issues that I experienced like depression, anxiety, OCD, grief, lack of self-esteem, early traumas, and PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). Some of them had lost significant others like children, parents, and siblings. Others experienced a loss of direction after changing careers or retiring from work. Several had crippling illnesses such as cancer or Parkinson's. Still others had experienced a series of traumatic events. I was able to bond with many of them, and I connected with several of them after I had left the various IOPs I attended.

I think that participating in these programs fundamentally changed the course of my life. Not only did I learn a lot of new skills which restored my positive sense of self and confidence, but I was also very moved by the compassion and empathy shown by the two main therapists I encountered. I saw people who entered the program contemplating suicide, and had given up on life, make some remarkable changes. That gave me hope that I too could turn my life around to combat the recurring depressions and anxiety that made me feel helpless and hopeless. I too could find a sense of direction and purpose to give my life new meaning.